


Safe Haven

by HappyBirddi



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/M, Feels, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kissing, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:35:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21883099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyBirddi/pseuds/HappyBirddi
Summary: My own interpretation of the scene after Rodrigue's death. (Written for Dimitri's birthday and a rewrite of an orphaned work I did months ago.)
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 4
Kudos: 101





	Safe Haven

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday Dimitri! Barely made it, but here we go!
> 
> I originally wrote this under a different name, but orphaned it because I had no idea how to delete things omg. So I rewrote it for our favorite rat king's birthday!
> 
> I recommend listening to some Nier Automata music, such as Kaine's Salvation or Vague Hope, mostly cause I did and was sobbing like a baby.
> 
> I'm also working on another work with EldritchGremlin called Guilded Sanctuary, however this work follows the OG cannon more than it follows GS. It MIGHT come back later in that story, but it will probably be different given our outline.
> 
> Still, I hope you enjoy this one!

Byleth

╚═════════ ∘◦ ❂ ◦∘ ═════════╝

Rodrigue was dead. It all happened so fast that the weight of his death hadn’t even completely hit Byleth. Not until she had gone to see her father’s grave again that evening and had walked past the freshly dug marker. The sight of it made her freeze, and reality finally hit; another ally, another friend, had fallen. The weather was grey over the monastery as cold, dreary rain poured over the grounds. The smell of fresh soil and stone tapped at Byleth’s senses as she stood in front of the graves for some time. Longer than she would’ve usually spent there. 

Byleth should’ve felt sorrow or fear, but there was only an empty numbness that echoed through her head like a lost voice in a cave. She was used to seeing death, she had sent hundreds, maybe thousands of faceless enemies to the Eternal Flames, but she was likely to never grow accustomed to burying her friends.

After standing long enough for the cold to settle deep into her bones, Byleth began the lonely walk back to her room. But this time, she decided to take the longer route as a way to clear her mind, even though at this point her mint-green hair was soaked through and she was more likely to get sick doing so. Byleth just needed time to think about the next plan, everyone was counting on her and they were expecting her to have decided the next course of action the following morning. But she had none… she had no idea as to what to do now.

Walking past the stables, she saw the quick flash of a familiar cloak disappear around a corner. She stopped, and immediately a sense of panic and frustration overcame all reason and threw any thoughts of plans or battle strategy out the window. Dimitri. She hadn’t seen him much since they returned. After what had happened at Gronder Field, knowing fully well the guilt he carried, would he be so reckless?

She quickened her pace, going around the side of the building to cut him off. Thankfully, right as Dimitri was about to round the building, Byleth stopped right in front of him. Cutting off his path and causing him to halt in his tracks.

"What do you want?" He growled at her.

“Where are you going?” She kept her tone stern, trying to sound like the professor she was supposed to be.

“It doesn't concern you.”

“It does. I’m still your professor and general in this war, Dimitri.”

He glared at her, rage burning just barely beneath the surface. “Get out of my way. Now.” It didn’t sound like a demand, more like a warning.

Byleth didn’t yield. “No.”

For a moment, she thought he was going to strike her. But he didn’t, thankfully, and just tried to walk around her. She matched his steps, causing him to halt once again. “You're going to Enbarr, aren't you?”

Silence. He turned his face and made an annoyed grunt.

Byleth ground her teeth, “I knew it. Going there alone is suicide! Do you really think that will appease the dead?! You think getting yourself killed will help?! It won’t, Dimitri, it won’t and you know it!”

“Silence!”

He snapped the words at her harshly like a whip, “You have no idea what you're talking about! Death is the end! No matter how much lingering regret a person has, after death, they are powerless! They cannot even wish for revenge, much less seek it out. Hatred, regret, those burdens fall on the shoulders of those who are left behind.”

Byleth stood like a statue, strong and unmoving.

“And so I must continue down this path! I already told you as much! It is far too late to stop!” He cried out.

As much as she was angry at him, as much as she wanted to scream at him, Byleth still felt her heart crack like old stone. Dimitri, despite all of this, was someone precious to her; he offered her kindness and sympathy when her father died, and they had spent so much time together through the harshest of situations. Dimitri was precious to her without question, which is why, no matter how much it hurt, she refused to back down.

“You're wrong. There is _always_ another way.”

“Do not waste your breath with some nonsense about how I should move on with my life for their sake!” He yelled back at her, “That is merely the logic of the living… it’s meaningless.” 

He turned away, looking at some point at the wall. Somewhere a million miles and what felt like a million lifetimes ago. “Those who died with lingering regret, they will not lose their hold on me so easily…" 

Dimitri looked to the sky, his face obscured by his soaked blonde hair and covered eye, making it impossible for Byleth to read his expression. 

“But you seem to have all the answers…” His voice was softer now. Laced with years worth of grieving and despair, “So tell me, professor. Please, tell me… how do I silence their desperate pleas? How do I…” 

His voice cracked, and it sent another painful bolt through Byleth’s chest as he begged for an answer, “How do I save them?”

She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She knew dozens of sword techniques, she could list the name of every noble in the land along with their history and Crests. Hell, she knew how to win against what seemed like impossible battles when they were greatly outnumbered. But that question, that one question was just something she couldn’t provide an answer to. It was unlikely anyone could.

“Ever since that day nine years ago… I have only lived to avenge the fallen. Even my times at the Officer's Academy was all so that I could secure my revenge and clear away the regret of the dead. It was the only thing that kept me alive… my only reason to keep moving forward.” His hands were shaking. He must’ve been freezing, completely drenched from the rain as he was.

What hurts the most was that, for the first time since they had reunited, he spoke with sincerity. This was the guilt he carried with him for all these years, what kept him awake for all those nights. They were the monsters he fought every day and were things he likely spoke very little of. 

Byleth felt an icy drop of rain slide down her cheek. “Dimitri… You've suffered enough, you must forgive yourself.”

He finally looked at her again; his expression was softer as he looked at her. Drenched from the rain, his eye lined with a lifetime’s worth of burdens. He seemed so vulnerable and alone.

"But then who, or what, should I live for?" He asked. The last traces of madness and rage were finally gone, leaving nothing but a shell of what he was.

“Live for what you believe in.”

"What I believe in…" He echoed back as if he hadn’t quite heard the words right. Then he laughed a small, dying sound, “Rodrigue said the same thing. But is it possible? I am a murderous monster. My hands are stained red-!” He clenched his fists, trying to grasp something only he could see, “Could one such as I truly hope for such a thing? As the sole survivor of that day, do I… do I have the right to live for myself?"

Byleth felt an aching in her core. She cared about him so much and knowing what he went through, what he had been going through all this time, hurt worse than any injury. She wanted to make the pain go away, to fight the things he saw, but she couldn’t. There was a part of Dimitri that was shattered, it had always been a darkness in Dimitri that clung to him like an infected wound on his soul. Could she’ve done something if she knew five years ago? 

No… even back then, she knew she couldn’t have done anything. Byleth could’ve spent days or months trying, but even with her power gifted by Sothis, she couldn’t heal those kinds of wounds. Doing so would eat away at her soul, and he wasn’t the only one who needed her. Her other students needed to lean on her, and the body count of the war grew higher and higher. Byleth knew she had to push him to heal on his own.

This was a fight he had to face, but he didn’t have to face it not alone.

“I can't make them go away. I wish I could silence them, Dimitri, I truly wish I could. But I just can't. That's a battle you have to fight, and it's a terrible battle I can't win for you.” 

She was trembling as the words tumbled from her lips. Right as she saw his expression begin to darken, right as he began to retreat back into that isolated cave of darkness and hatred, she continued. 

“But even though I can't fight it for you, I want to fight it _beside_ you. I want to be right behind you as you fight.”

He froze up.

“I'll always be right behind you, even if you can't see or hear me. I will follow you close, and be there to catch you when you stumble. But the only way I can do that is if you take the first step down that road.” 

She held out a hand to him, “We will walk down that road together, but you have to take the first step. It only takes a few… but I know you can do it. ”

There was a long, agonizing silence as he looked at her hand. She worried that he would push past her and continue his path of destruction. But then, almost absent-mindedly, he extended his own hand to hers. Byleth clasped her fingers around his tightly like a vice, swearing to never let him go. Never again. She did that with both hands, holding his freezing fingers interlocked with hers.

"Your hands are so warm. Have they always been?" He hung his head, looking so tired and broken. But also somewhat relieved, as if a weight had been lifted off his burdened shoulders.

Byleth tightened her grip a little. The two stood there for a long moment with the only conversation being the rain that didn’t look like it was going to let up any time soon. Finally, he looked up again. His hands were shaking more noticeably now, his expression worn and his good eye reddened. She didn't even notice he was crying.

“Dimitri…?”

He stared at her, looking so lost and alone. 

“Come on, let’s get inside before we both catch our deaths.” She offered a small smile, “It’s been a while since we had tea together, you know. I bet I still know what your favorite is.”

He almost smiled, but not quite. He simply followed without speaking. The two walked back towards the direction of the monastery, Byleth still holding his hand in hers tightly and never wanting to let him go again. No one was out this late in the evening, not anymore. The only ones present were the gatekeeper, who gave them a friendly nod of acknowledgment. _At least someone can smile in times like this._

The two of them walked through empty halls and corridors until they came back to Byleth’s room. It was isolated and quiet enough that no one would likely come by. The moment the door was closed, Byleth could feel the numbness start to fade. But it was a slow process as she let go of Dimitri’s hand and walked to where she kept her spare mugs. Not the ornate china provided by the kitchen, but her own set she had bought on a journey with her father many years ago and would keep close when staying up late to plan lessons.

The kettle she used sat on her desk. It was an ugly iron thing that had been dented on the bottom, and the cups were chipped a little and the paint had faded. She was almost embarrassed putting them out but knew that in times like this it was lucky she had them at all. She was also glad that earlier she had gotten hot water from the kitchen, but had left it to cool since it had burned her fingertips when she had tested the water earlier.

Dimitri looked around the room silently, a look of curiosity on his face. “I don’t think I’ve ever been invited here before, professor. I suppose it isn’t much different from my own room, but even so… I can tell this one is yours.”

Byleth looked at him while she dug through her things blindly in an effort to find the right tea. “How so?”

“I’m not sure exactly… it just feels like it’s yours.” He walked a little further into the room, the floorboards creaking a little as he stepped. He looked at her desk, which was a mess of papers and books. Byleth felt a little embarrassed that she didn’t have it clean, before turning back to rummage through her large collection of teas. Vowing to herself that she’d one day organize everything.

“You’re able to go through all this alone?” Dimitri asked.

“W-Well, it takes me a few nights. I usually don’t sleep well so I’m up until the early hours of the morning.”

“You never mentioned you had trouble sleeping… ” He looked concerned.

“I guess no one really bothered to ask.” Finally finding the chamomile, Byleth set the small box down next to the kettle and glanced at Dimitri, “You must be freezing.”

He shook his head. “J-Just a bit chilled is all.”

“You can take off your cloak and armor. You’ll be less likely to catch a cold.”

He hesitated for a long moment, “Professor is that really necessary-?”

“I can’t have you getting ill,” She lectured, while measuring the right amount of leaves for two people.

Not able to argue against her, Dimitri did as suggested. She assumed that he didn't remove that armor much, likely feeling safer with that guard up constantly. While Byleth let the tea steep, Dimitri hung his soaked cloak over a hook in the wall and undid his cold metal platemail, resting it against the wall by the door. It was odd seeing him wear something so simple; a simple black, long sleeve skin-tight undershirt and slacks. He looked almost like a normal commoner and would’ve if not for the way that he composed himself. Even in his grief-stricken state, he still had that posture of someone with authority.

Beneath it all, it was still Dimitri. 

A minute later, the two of them sat on the edge of Byleth’s bed, each holding a chipped cup in their grasps. Their soaked boots rested against the wall and dry towels over their shoulders to soak up the rainwater. Dimitri didn’t touch his cup much though, mostly staring at the darkening liquid with a distant look on his face. He wasn’t shaking as much now since the rain was mostly dried off, but she still worried about the possibility of him getting sick.

“Professor… ” He spoke up finally.

Byleth took a sip of her tea, still a little too hot but just as sweet, “Yes?”

“Why do you insist on staying by my side? Surely, after everything that has happened, you would have every reason to leave me behind.”

“I told you before, you’re my student. It’s my responsibility to make sure you’re alright. No matter what.” She stated it as if it were obvious.

He looked back to his mug and took a cautious sip, flinching at the heat briefly. “I treated you so horribly though…”

"I hold no grudge against you; I understand you were in a very dark place that clouded your judgment."

He hung his head in shame, “I treated my closest companions as my enemies… they must be furious… ”

Byleth looked at him with a gentle expression, “No, they aren’t mad at you, Dimitri. They’re just worried about you, as friends are when someone they care about is suffering.”

“I’m not someone to be worried over.”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that,” Byleth lightly scolded, “I care about you, and so does the rest of your class. We stick together and have each other’s backs no matter what. We protect each other. We're a family in that sense.”

His expression darkened, “Rodrigue…”

Byleth got a bit closer and put a gentle hand on his arm as reassurance. “I miss him too,” 

Dimitri looked to Byleth as she spoke, “You did everything you could, but there just is no way to completely ensure everyone will survive.” 

She looked to the floor, feeling her own burdens weigh heavily on her shoulders, “Believe me, I know that you can do everything right and still lose someone in the end. I know the guilt of losing your closest companions all too well, Dimitri. I… I lost all of you once already. I lost five years of my life, and in those years you've all been through so much…”

“You speak as if you’ve watched us die already, Byleth.”

She almost wanted to laugh. _You have no idea, Dimitri… I wish I could tell you just how many times I watched you all die and went back, over and over again to fix it. How many times I’ve seen you all die, the looks on your faces and your final words… I remember every last one of them._

But obviously, she couldn’t say that. He knew she had lost people she loved, but he truly had no idea how many times she had watched him, as well as the rest of his classmates, die because of a false error she made. He would never know how many ways she saw him ripped to pieces, bleed to death, the final screams he let out, the way he desperately clung to her as she could feel the life draining out of his body and cried out her name.

“I’m your professor, it’s my job to keep you all safe. But there’s only so much I can do on the battlefield.” Her eyes burned, “I’m so afraid that the next time I close my eyes, you’ll all be laying in that graveyard with my father.”

Dimitri reached out a hand, and gently pulled her closer to him, “I had no idea you were going through this.”

She leaned her head against his shoulder, “It seems we both haven’t communicated those fears well…”

They were both quiet for a very long time. The sound of the rain tapped away at the walls outside, and the wind began to moan through the buildings.

“Thank you for this. I didn’t realize how much I missed doing this with you, professor.” He broke up the silence.

She made a face, “You know, you don’t need to call me professor, Dimitri. I'm not even really a professor anymore.”

He looked surprised, then confused, “Then… what should I call you?”

She smiled a little and chuckled quietly, “Byleth. It’s my name after all, and I’d like to be called that again.”

He hesitated, as she had never asked him to call her by her name before. But then he nodded, “Very well, if that is what you want, then I will call you Byleth…” 

They both fell silent, surprised. It was her name, but coming from Dimitri it sounded foreign. 

“Byleth,” He repeated, adjusting to the sound. Then he smiled a little and took another sip of his tea, “As you wish, Byleth.” 

She laughed a little and remained sitting next to him; her head still against his shoulder. He made no effort to move away. If anything, he was inclined closer to her. They remained that way, no words, just the presence of one another in that room while they drank their slowly cooling tea.

How long had it been since Byleth had sat with anyone like this? She realized just how lonely she had been. Even Sothis, as bratty as she was, still gave Byleth comfort when she needed it. The room felt colder without Sothis, it had for a long time. Byleth finished her cup off first and set it on the stand next to her bed. 

The clouds outside had grown darker and more sinister, and the wind started to resemble the sounds cats made when they fought, “It’s getting worse out there…”

Dimitri looked at the windows briefly, frowning as he finished off the rest of his tea and set the mug down on the same stand, “It rained like this when Dedue rescued me…” He muttered.

Byleth looked at him, eyes wide. Then she looked at his covered arms. “You… You haven’t mentioned that much.”

“It’s not something I like to reminisce on. I had to wait a year after my escape before I could properly move again because of the injuries I was given. On days like this, it feels as if every wound on my body has been cut open…” He went silent, a haunted expression on his face.

Byleth felt enraged. What she wouldn’t give to make Cornelia suffer the way she had made Dimitri had. Still, what he needed now wasn’t anger, “You don’t have to tell me what happened with Dedue. Not if you don’t want to. But if you do, those words will stay in this room. You’re safe here.”

He thought for a long moment. Then he began to speak, “Dedue came to my side right as they were about to execute me. He was covered in blood and wearing a guard’s uniform, and he was furious.” Dimitri’s gaze when glassy, “The first thing he did was apologize for not protecting me… he looked absolutely distraught and blamed himself for not being there sooner.”

Byleth remained silent and let him go on.

“We ran… but we didn’t get far before guards cut us off, and one of them swung at me with a sword. I didn’t have a weapon, and I was prepared to die-” His voice choked up, “Dedue… he ran in front of me. I just remember seeing blood, and then he told me to run and not look back. I just ran and I left him behind-”

He made a gagging sound, and Byleth squeezed his arm, “You don’t have to say anything more about this if it’s too painful.” She was glad he was opening up to her about his time while she was gone for five years, but was afraid he’d break at the memory.

He shook his head, “N-No, it’s fine…” He took a deep breath, calming down after a moment, “I don't remember much after that moment. The next thing I knew was that I was covered in blood and holding weapons. I fled and, well, you know the rest. Dedue never joined the ghosts that follow me, so I had hope for a while… I know Rodrigue will join them tonight.”

“I’m so sorry…” She whispered.

He was quiet again, but then he talked of something Byleth had not expected, “For a long time, I tried looking for you Byleth…”

“What?” She looked up at him. His expression was unreadable to her.

“I didn’t know if you were dead or alive. I never saw you amidst the eyes that follow me, so it gave me hope that you were still here. I even searched the monastery for months, digging through the rubble until my fingers bled, trying to find something. I never did, and you were there in every nightmare I’ve had for the last five years…”

She was speechless.

He shifted his position to look at her, and Byleth was caught off-guard when his other hand moved to her cheek. She was frozen, unprepared for such a gesture as he ran his fingers along her jawline. His expression was one of regret.

“I’m no stranger to nightmares,” His eye glistened with remorse, “I see the tragedy of Duscur. My family’s deaths, Glenn’s death, I see them every night as if I’m there living it again and I remember every last moment of pain. But for the last five years, you were there with me in Duscur…”

“I-I was?”

His shoulder sank, and he seemed to be somewhere else. Somewhere he didn’t want to be from the look of pain on his face, “Sometimes you’d appear next to me like some kind of silent figure, and you’d have a look of sadness on your face. Other times you’d be waiting on the other side of the battlefield, watching. I’d even see you smiling at me, and for a moment… I’d feel safer.” 

Byleth felt the warmth leave her body as Dimitri gritted his teeth, “In a way, it was the most painful torture I had ever experienced. I could never get to you, I would try to get to you, but you’d always be just a bit too far. I wanted to be with you, I wanted to reach you but you were always, _always_ just out of my reach. I figured that this was another form of punishment, like how you put water just inches out of grasp to a man dying of thirst.” 

“Dimitri-”

Tears ran down his face in floods, “I thought I deserved to suffer like that, but this was worse than anything even my worst enemies could come up with; to see you every night and be unable to touch you while I spent my days trying to find a ghost. I’d rather be whipped bloody or have my eye cut out again than be subjected to that torture. And yet, when I saw you appear in the goddess tower… I treated you like my worst enemy. I thought I had finally let you go, accepting that you were dead, and I despised you, I loathed you for living, I hated you for leaving me alone all those years ago-!”

Without hesitating, Byleth threw her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a long, overdue embrace. He went still, unsure how to react to the gesture.

“Byleth… I-” He choked.

“I’m here. I’m here now and I swear that this time, I won’t leave you again, Dimitri,” She soothed, "I'm so sorry… I never meant to leave you alone. I would’ve come to you sooner… please, forgive me."

She felt his arms wrap around her tightly. He was still trembling, and Byleth held him closely, gently running fingers through his hair. Her chest was aching, and she felt light-headed from the gesture as Dimitri buried his face into her shoulder, and all she really could do was hold him like she would never let him go again. She could hear him breathing rapidly and feel his pulse beating quickly, and underneath she could hear him quietly weeping. 

They stayed like that for a long time, then he mumbled into her shoulder, “You’re truly here right? This isn’t another nightmare, is it? You’re real, and not a ghost, right?”

She kept petting his head slowly, “I’m real… you’re safe here, and no one will hurt you here. I swear it.”

Byleth felt him rest his head against the soft crook of her neck, “I’m so, so sorry how I’ve treated you… words cannot even express how much I’ve missed you, Byleth.”

She felt her breath hitch for a moment at the pain in his voice, “I could never hold a grudge against you, Dimitri.””

Time seemed to grow to a quiet standstill in that room. After what felt like hours, Dimitri straightened a little, tears were still streaming down his cheek, “A-Apologies, I lost composure for a moment…”

Byleth moved her hand gently, and brushed the tears away with her thumb. The two sat there, mere inches from each other’s faces, “You can be weak here… you don’t have to be strong here. ”

“Profess- Byleth, I mean…” His words stumbled over his tongue.

Byleth ran her hand under his chin, and he grew still. She carefully studied his face; he really was beautiful, even now. Hair the color of gold wheat and features that balanced a line of strong and soft perfectly. Even with one eye, even lined with exhaustion, she could watch him forever it seemed. Her scarred fingers seemed out of place compared to his lovely face.

The air felt tense, similar to the feeling that came before an ambush. Byleth realized just how close the prince was to her, and she felt her throat close up. Perhaps it was the grief of Rodrigue’s death, the raw emotion or maybe the realization of just how much time they had lost that were to blame for her action next.

“B-Byleth, I-” his face was slightly flushed from embarrassment from her watching him. “I… I’m afraid I’m at a loss for what I should say now.”

"You don't need to say anything…" Then she closed the distance, and with a touch no more delicate than a bird’s feather, she brushed her lips against his cheek.

There was a pause as if the gesture hadn’t even registered to either of them, as if it were completely normal. Then Dimitri pulled back a little and looked at her with his jaw slack. 

"Byleth-!"

She felt her face burn with shame, "Saints, I’m so sorry!"

"N-No-!" He quickly rebounded and reassured her. "No, I'm not upset, I’m flattered. I-I just…" he looked away for a moment, his cheeks had a soft rose hue to them.

"What?"

“It- It was a bit surprising is all. I… I'm afraid I don't know what I'm supposed to do now." He made a frustrated sigh, “It’s been five years, and Sylvain is still more experienced in this than I am…”

She felt as if her face was on fire as the words fell from her lips, "You could kiss me back."

His expression softened. The silence between the two of them was loud and apparent, "Do I even have the right to even think of such a thing?” He asked tentatively.

Her body felt rigid, "D-Do you want to?"

He swallowed nervously, “I… I do… I’ve wanted to for so long.”

Byleth felt her cheeks flush with color, “You have?”

“Ever since the Goddess Tower,” He coughed a bit.

“W-Why didn’t you?”

He groaned in frustration, “A-Apologies, I was hesitant because you were my professor…”

She laughed nervously for a moment, “I-I wanted to back then as well.”

Dimitri looked shocked, “Y-You did?!”

She nodded.

“Goddess, I feel like a fool.”

“So do I.”

He sighed, his own face blushed pink, “I wish I had the courage to kiss you before.”

She gave him a challenging smile for a moment, “You still can…”

There was a long silence. Then Dimitri raised a hand, hesitated, but leaned closer, threading his fingers through Byleth’s hair. The sensation sent a chill through her, and she sucked on a shallow breath. She looked into his face; his eye, blue like a lake in the dead of winter, stared at her. She could practically hear his heart pounding against his chest as he looked over her face. She had no idea what he was thinking at that moment. 

Then he took her chin, bringing her closer. Each passing second felt like hours, leaving her wavered breathing as his soft lips brushed against hers. The distance between them disappeared, and she closed her eyes as he gave her a single, soft kiss.

Nothing but the sound of the rain could be heard from the outside. He was trembling as he pulled away, much too soon for her liking.

“Dimitri, you’re shaking.”

“I-I’m alright.” His voice quivered.

“This doesn’t have to go any further. We can stop. Pretend this never happened.”

He looked at her with that same look from before. An expression she now understood to be one of longing, “Is that what you want?” Byleth shook her head, and he exhaled a long, rattled breath, “It’s not what I want either…”

Byleth’s eyes fell shut. He paused, then leaned in slowly, lightly kissing her bottom lip once, twice. Lingering close, he trailed his hand down her neck, sending chills through Byleth’s core. She felt as if he stalled any longer she’d likely faint. It felt like they were teetering on the edge of a cliff or a sword’s edge, waiting to jump.

Finally, not wanting to wait anymore, she slid her lips over his for a long, very overdue kiss. At the gesture, he reciprocated.

Byleth was hooked. She was drunk as the feeling of fire flowed through her veins, soaking every nerve until they were piqued with sensation. There wasn’t any turning back now. The next kiss unfolded as if kissing him was as natural as swinging a sword or remembering a spell. Her entire body felt both dulled with intoxication and heightened with awareness. Every touch, every sound, the light scent of chamomile on his breath, the feeling of his hands threading through her hair, all of it was a feeling of bliss she never knew she wanted.

Dimitri pulled away, pressing his forehead against hers, “Byleth…” His voice was hoarse. She gently pressed her lips against his again, causing him to sigh against her mouth. He pulled her closer, her body curved against his and pressing a hand into the small of her back.

She gently, slowly ran her fingers over his shoulders, uncertain if the slightest touch on any of his scars would make him recoil. He didn’t, only bringing her closer, and she traced the curve of his body and joints. He felt tense against her hands, and she picked up hard knots of muscles and rough scarred skin as she felt.

Byleth slid her fingers up his stomach, and chills roll through him under her hands like small earthquakes. When her hands reached for his chest, he caught them and held her hand there. She could almost feel his heartbeat against her palm. She threaded her hands through his, pressing them deeper into his chest, drawing her in until she felt her body burn from the heat that came from his.

This made things complicated. Easier for someone to hurt both of them. But for a moment, they didn’t care about the war. They didn’t care about Edelgard or Those Who Slither in the Dark, or even the war. They were two souls who hadn’t seen each other in a very long time, two souls who never thought they’d see each other again. Two souls who, even after sailing through a dark and rocky sea, never stopped caring about each other.

This room was a safe haven. Here the world couldn’t hurt them. Here, there was only them.

Eventually, they pulled apart. They had no idea just how much time had passed between them in that room. Dimitri examined Byleth’s face, that same look of wanting on his face. His lips glistened slightly in the low candlelight, and his chest rising and falling as he cupped her cheek gently. She stared back at him, not wanting to stop but knowing that they had to.

He almost looked better. Not entirely, he still looked absolutely exhausted. But this was an improvement. Color had returned to his face, and his good eye had the subtle hints of that light she recognized returning.

“Byleth, I-I…” He breathed, “I should go…”

Byleth leaned her head against his palm. Icy to the touch without being so close. “You still feel so cold…” She spoke, but her voice sounded weak.

He pressed his forehead against hers gently. “I don’t want to intrude on you any more than I have.”

“You’re never a bother to me,” The wind outside howled through the buildings, sounding like the wailing of dead spirits, “Stay until the rain stops at least. Is that alright with you?”

He was quiet for a moment again, but then mumbled out, “I-I’d like that, please…” 

She nodded and pulled him closer into an embrace, and he held her tightly like a lifeline. Not wanting to let go of her ever again.

꧁ ⋅ ✦ ⋅ ꧂

The two lay in Byleth’s bed, under piles of blankets and quilts. Dimitri in her arms, all stiffness of his body turned loose as she held him. Byleth had one arm around his shoulders, the other hand gripping his hair. He felt a little uneasy, being held like this and sharing a bed. 

They had not taken a step further than kissing, as neither of them was really prepared nor comfortable with taking things further. Not when they had just barely patched up the largest holes in their relationship. But it didn’t help that the beds were made for one person each, and Dimitri was practically right on top of her as she held him.

But that wasn’t his ultimate concern. For Dimitri, pain engulfed him. Every one of his scars ached as if they had been reopened with an icy blade. He felt exhausted and truly wished that he was in some form of real physical pain like a deep wound or broken bone. Just so there could be something besides empty misery.

“Has the rain stopped for you?” She asked softly.

“As much as it can,” He was quiet for a long time, then he muttered, “I can’t keep watching them die, Byleth.”

“I know…” She squeezed him tighter, tracing a gentle touch over the side of his jaw. “Don’t ever blame yourself for what happened. None of their deaths were your fault, Dimitri.”

He felt fresh tears sting at his eye. “I… I just want them to be at peace. I just want them to leave me alone.”

Byleth gently ran her fingers through his hair, slowly and comfortingly.

“Forgive yourself, and walk towards being better. You’re not alone… remember that. You’re never alone. I’ll be right behind you.”

“I do… but it feels like a struggle to get out of bed, even breathe sometimes.”

“Dimitri, my dearest, I-” She tensed. “S-Sorry, that just… ”

He felt his heartbeat quicken at the sound. “No, I… I like how it sounds - being yours.” His throat went dry as he said it, and asked carefully, “Could you say it again?”

“My dearest.”

He felt his heart accelerate, and leaned closer, kissing her gently, compelled by her words, by his desperation to feel something good in this misery.

His lips broke free, and he cupped her face. “You mean everything to me, Byleth. I never had the chance to say it before, but I need you to know that now.”

She dragged her fingers down his raw cheeks, wiping away what was left of his tears. “I understand, my dearest… ”

Shame slithered through him as he thought about tomorrow. “I… I need to apologize to all of them. I dragged them all into this war and I treated them so cruelly… ”

Byleth nodded a little. “That’s good. That’s the right thing to do. I’ll be there when you join the war council.”

He rested his head against her shoulder. “Do I even deserve their forgiveness? After everything I did? I’m a murderous monster-”

Byleth shook her head. “You’re human. You cry, you bleed, you laugh, I already knew you were a human from the beginning. You are many things, and you’ve done monstrous things, but you yourself are _not_ a monster. As for everyone, they understand that you were in a very dark place, Dimitri. But true forgiveness must be earned. You can earn their forgiveness if you are sincere and set to make things right.”

They were quiet for a long moment, then Dimitri shifted a little closer to her. “How do I earn your forgiveness? What can I do to make things right for us?”

She placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. “You make things right for them. That is how you can earn my forgiveness.”

He nodded. “I will.”

Byleth thought for a moment, then stated, “And do your homework.”

He laughed a little, the first time in a long time. It was weak, but it was alive. He could tell that she was relieved to hear that sound come from him from the slight smile on her face. Though she didn’t show much emotion, at this point he knew when she was happy or upset from the little cues in her face, body language, and subtle expressions.

Odd… he didn’t even realize how much he had paid attention to that. Or how much he had wanted to kiss her before or feel her hair through his fingers. His mind raced through what they had done, the feel of her hands and lips against his, how warm her hands were, how he wanted to spend hours just in her arms. He wanted to stay like this always, side by side with her. 

_I love her._ Even after five years, her face never left his mind. The desire and hope to see her again never really died, and neither did the admiration for her or the desire to stay by her side did either.

“Is there anything I can do for you now?” She gently ran her fingers over his hair.

“No… no, this is more than enough… Thank you, my beloved friend.” He hesitated. “I-I hope you don’t mind if I call you that…”

She looked surprised. But then she nodded a little. “I don’t mind…”

He rested his head against her shoulder, wrapping his arm around her waist. His lungs were raw and he took a long, pained breath, “Can we stay here for a while longer though?” He closed his eye, resting against her and relishing in the feeling of her gentle, warm touch.

She nestled him closer. As his breathing steadied, he felt Byleth’s gentle fingers run through his hair and behind his ear. Her touch was calming to him, and as he started to feel the weight of exhaustion pulling him away.

“As long as you’d like, my dearest.” She muttered gently to him.

꧁ ⋅ ✦ ⋅ ꧂

For the first time in a very long time, the nightmares that had haunted Dimitri for years were absent. He had expected to see Rodrigue’s death unfold before him in full, as well as the death of his father, stepmother, and Glenn for the thousandth time.

But this time, he dreamt of nothing. There were no good or bad dreams, just darkness. It was a deep, empty sleep that felt like falling. Sleep he gladly welcomed if it meant he could have one night without hearing the screams and cries of the people who died.

However, he found himself slowly drifting back to the world of consciousness too soon. His eye snapped open, and the first thing he thought was that he was having another nightmare. He blindly looked around, panicked and unsure where he was. Then he realized that he was still wrapped tightly in her arms, and he could catch the faintest scent of irises and other sweet wildflowers on her skin. Dimitri let himself calm down, knowing that he was awake and not having another torturous nightmare.

The windows outside were pitch black, and the rain hadn’t let up at all. The wind howled furiously outside, as if the world was screaming over Rodrigue’s death. The candles had all burnt out in the room, all except for one lone stand that sat onto the table by Byleth’s bed, next to their empty tea mugs. But he could see, even in the dying light that the wick was reaching the end of its life and had to be moments away from burning out.

Dimitri rested his head against her chest, not wanting to leave her embrace despite knowing that he had probably stayed for long enough. He watched the small flame of the last candle move ever so slightly, and rested his ear against her chest, hearing nothing but her soft breathing. The sound was soothing to him; she had no heartbeat, but she was no less alive. She was alive and in his arms in this small corner of the world where no one could find them.

He watched her peaceful sleeping face, and couldn't help but think of when she fainted all those years ago. Right after she broke through the sky wielding the sword of the creator like an avenging goddess. And yet, the hands that held the weapon were so small and fragile. _She_ looked so small and fragile there next to him, and yet she was the strongest out of everyone here. Someone so fearsome, and yet so kind. Beautiful in every sense, warm and alive despite no heartbeat, and sleeping next to him.

But then, in the fading candlelight, he could see them standing in the long shadows of the room. The familiar outlines of his father, stepmother, and Glenn watching him, never far away after all. And among them was a new figure… one he recognized as Rodrigue… 

**Avenge us.**

Dimitri felt his heartbeat pound against his ribs like a frantic bird at the sight of them, his throat tightened to a point where he couldn't breathe or speak. 

**Avenge us.**

He wanted to run, but then he registered Byleth holding him. Instead of screaming or yelling, he shifted his hold and pulled her tightly into his arms, one hand entwined in her seafoam-colored hair and the other held her around her waist. 

**Avenge us, Dimitri.**

He buried his own face into the curve of her neck, blocking out his view of the ghosts that were always close by, holding Byleth as if doing so could make them go away. But they didn’t. She had said so herself. She can’t make them disappear. But with her here, it wasn’t as terrifying to see them. 

The world was still safe here. No one will hurt him here.

_You're not alone._

**Why haven’t you avenged us, Dimitri?**

_Take the first step._

**Failure of a prince. Why couldn't you save us?**

_I'm right next to you._

**Die. Die for your failures. Die to repent.**

_I’ll always be right behind you._

Dimitri took a deep, shaking breath, steadying his nerves. Then he looked up and stared right at them; their eyes were cold and unfeeling, accusing and spiteful. As much as he wanted to recoil and retreat, he stayed strong.

Then he growled at them, low and threatening, “You’re not welcome here. Get out, and don't come back here again.”

They all stared back for a very long time, but they felt less like an omnipotent force that demanded his attention and more like the reflections in a mirror now. Unwanted surely, but unable to do anything other than to watch.

He felt Byleth’s sleeping form lean into him more, and he instinctively squeezed her to him tighter as the wick dipped into the melted wax, burning out. 

Then the four ghosts vanished along with the rest of the light. The room was practically pitch black, only slightly illuminated by the lanterns outside that swayed in the heavy wind.

Dimitri felt a great sense of relief wash over him, and he let out an audible, trembling sigh. They were gone for now. Though it may only be for one night and one night only, he didn’t care. He felt stronger.

“Mm, cold…” Byleth mumbled in her sleep, curling into his chest for warmth. Sleep pulled at him to come back, and Dimitri nestled back into Byleth's arms and held her close and gently. She sighed quietly, grateful to have that comfort come back. 

Before he did fall asleep though, he muttered more to himself than anyone while brushing away a stray strand of emerald hair from her face, “Thank you for giving me a little bit more of your strength, Byleth. My beloved friend-” He paused, "No… you’re so much more than that… my beloved…" Then he gently placed a kiss on her forehead, and let his eye fall shut and body relax.

He hoped that when this war ended, and if they both stood alive at the end of it, he could hold her like this always. He hoped he could live long enough to be in her arms like this for even one more moment. To feel her embrace, her warm touch against his cheek, to feel her lips against his. It was something that he swore would push him to live for another day and every day after that.

For the first time in a very long time, Dimitri felt the weight of years of guilt leave for a little while. For once, he felt safe and warm after being in the cold darkness for so long. For once… he felt at peace.


End file.
